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Month: July 2024

The Greatest Book Launch I ever Blundered

I finally finished my book after a stroke of wild inspiration: what if an exhibitionistic anarchist developed an obsessive fixation on a futa cop? After writing the story, and gathering feedback from friends, I did what any aspiring author would do—I sat on the manuscript for about ten months.

When it came time to give it a cover, I knew it deserved something unique, not just another AI-generated image. Enter one of my favorite Hentai artists, Evulart, who provided a custom cover along with additional versions. (You can check out the artwork on their Deviant Art here.)

Everything was meticulously planned. Weeks in advance, I had crafted my keywords and polished the blurb to perfection. The countdown began for the big cover reveal. All I needed to do was upload the manuscript.

But, being the genius that I am, I managed to upload the wrong manuscript.

Yes, you read that right. Instead of my latest masterpiece, I accidentally uploaded the manuscript of a previous book I had published. And to make matters more spectacularly disastrous, I had also splurged on a new-release give away advertising slot. Hundreds of eager readers jumped on the opportunity, downloading what turned out to be the wrong book.

Thankfully, I deactivated my Twitter (or whatever elon is calling it now) account beforehand, so no one can yell at me. Unfortunately, my saving grace came in the form of an email from Amazon, notifying me of the mix-up. This is where the story takes a turn into the realm of absurdity. Absurd and EVIL.

My first e-mail came in the robotically informative text of:

Hello,

Thank you for your email regarding the following book(s):

B0D7WDBN7R/Futa Cop’s Roadtrip Brat

We do not allow changes to the contributor or title of your book without a clear disclaimer about this change at the top of your book description. Without a disclaimer, these changes can be misleading to customers because the book’s metadata does not allow a customer to tell whether they might have already read the previous version of that content.

To consider your book for publication, please add the following disclaimer at the top of the description field: “Previously published as The Punished Nonpartisan by Saragona, Jocelyn .”

Please reply to this message when the changes are completed.

My reply to this message was equally pedantic. I explained that I had uploaded the wrong manuscript and had since corrected it.

My next e-mail from from Kindle unlimited came in the next day. By this time some one had already dropped a generous two star rating of my new book.

Hello,

Thank you for your email regarding the following book(s):

B0D7WDBN7R/Futa Cop’s Roadtrip Brat

We do not allow changes to the contributor or title of your book without a clear disclaimer about this change at the top of your book description. Without a disclaimer…

Yeah, you get the idea it was the same message. Hoping I was speaking to one of the remaining biological flesh brains at Kindle, I sent a reply that was like this:

Please let me allow me to add some context.
My first manuscript upload did not match this book description. It was for a another book of mine, which triggered this whole “content review” issue.
I have since replaced that manuscript with the correct manuscript, which matches the book description.
It would not make sense to change the book description right now, especially since this book was published less than a week ago. Please let me know if this explanation helps close the matter.

It did not close the matter. This went on for two more kafkaesque iterations. My last e-mail was a list of rhetorical questions of “why do you act as if you are not reading my replies?” typed with my angry fists. Eventually, Kindle politely said that my book was correct, available, and there was nothing more for me to do.

There is now one five-star review on it though. 🙂

So if you please, dear reader, consider downloading my blunder, Futa Cop’s Road Trip Brat. It will be free again in a few days, or on Kindle Unlimited, the supportive friend of smut authors everywhere!

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