A thought has kicked around in my mind recently. When and why should we include negotiation scenes in our BDSM fiction?
Any of us who advocate for BDSM, sex positivity, or write naughty erotic fantasy know what a negotiation is. We know it as well as we know paddles, ropes, and floggers. We know RACK. We know PRICK. Importantly, we know that in real life, these are never optional. You must always discuss roles, limits, desires, and experience levels with a potential scene partner. That’s how we stay safe while we have fun. That’s how we demonstrate that we’re good bottoms and good tops. Even if you played with someone regularly, this still becomes important. I’ve made the mistake myself of not checking in deeply enough with a regular bottom. It got awkward fast.
Why does this matter for fiction? Firstly, we need to represent our community with accuracy. The hilariously bad writing of Fifty Shades stopped being funny when we noticed a safe word was not respected. This leads to a second point: people curious about the scene often start with fiction (I did). How things are depicted in a story shape real-world expectations. This is why community leaders must explicitly say things like “Because someone is a submissive, that does not mean they are your submissive” during newcomer orientations.
Negotiation is like contraceptives: both increase safety. However, my stories never have contraceptives. Contraceptives are boring. Their absence is part of the fantasy. Specifically, I fantasize a sexy world without STIs or unplanned, unconsented, pregnancies. The cum can go wherever it needs. Because that is hot. The protagonist can take her fill from two guys, or three futas, or a horny octopus. It doesn’t matter. She gets used with no concerns other than her own joy.
So can we skip negotiations for the similar reasons? Are negotiations boring and unsexy? Stories were once defined as “life with the boring parts cut out.”
One solution that oozed out of my head noodles is the “pope in the pool” advice. The concept is simple, when delivering something necessary for a story, like exposition for the audience, deliver it in a way that’s fun. Two characters discuss the romantic history of a third character. That’s a boring. Instead, two character discuss the romantic history of a third character, while they play water polo, dodge the other team, and still manage to score a goal.
My next negotiation scene might be veiled in layers of euphemism because the characters are in a baptist church social. Or perhaps the two characters, who love improv so much, sing it to each other during their made-up musical. Perhaps the scene is in the 19th century, occurs in coded letters, and one of them is intercepted. Or could it even happen through under the table text messages while trapped in high stakes business meeting that neither character cares for.
What do you think? How can negotiation be integrated into your sexy story?
